DON’T HURT THE CHILDREN

NINE WAYS TO HELP YOUR CHILD DURING DIVORCE

Divorce is a traumatic time for all involved but particularly the children of divorcing parents.

In this article we look at how to help your children during a divorce.

1.         Is the divorce really necessary?

“Staying together for the sake of the children” may be an old cliché, but if the divorce is not advanced, it maybe the best option for all concerned. Many people give up on marriages too easily but if your situation does not involve violence or abuse then a trained marriage counsellor maybe able to help you and your spouse work out your differences.

2.         Don’t make your child take sides

Avoid verbally attacking your spouse within your child’s hearing range.  Don’t influence your child to force him or her to choose you as the custodial parent.  If the other parent insists on involving your child in the fight, resist the urge to do the same.

3.         Stay close to your child

Spend as much time as possible with your child and enjoy your time together.  If you have more than one child, be sure to spend some special time with each one separately.

4.         Maintain your child’s routine

This is a not a time to make too many additional changes to your child’s life. If you can, keep the child in the home and school to which he/she is accustomed. If a move is necessary, make sure the child keeps in contact with the children and adults to whom he/she is attached. 

5.         Don’t have your child around a new romantic partner, whilst you are still married to the child’s other parent

There are several reasons for this.  It may complicate your divorce. I may make the other spouse angry, but most importantly it may hurt and confuse your child.  It is better not to force this relationship on your child until the divorce is final, and even then you should still move slowly involving your child in your dating life on a gradual basis.

6.         Be reasonable in your dealings with the other parent and the court

Ask yourself what kind of parental behaviour is likely to affect your child’s welfare.  Remember that reasonable does not mean that you have to agree with your spouse on everything. Be aware however that unreasonable litigants and lawyers who follow directions of unreasonable clients can upset the court.

7.         Avoid conflict over contact periods

The most common reasons parents are unable to comply with contact orders include:-

• failure to have the child ready or to return the child on time
• failure to understand the order
• failure to give the other parent important information
• failure to send or return a child’s belongings

Make sure that you understand and comply with the stipulations of your order.

8.         Avoid conflict over child support issues

It can be very damaging for a child to know that the money for his or her support is causing problems or that the parents is more concerned about the money, than about the child.  Your child should never be a messenger from one parent to another about child support issues. Your child should be kept completely away from any child support problems.

 9.        Have faith in yourself as a parent

The process of divorce can cause the strongest parent to feel self-doubt and confusion.  All parents have made and will make mistakes with their children. Continue to convey your strength, as well as your love, to your child. 

To discuss any family matter please contact your local Maxwell Hodge office. Details can be found by clicking here.